I totally lied again today. I told my neighbor that I'd carefully selected you from a breeder instead of spilling our dirty, overcrowded little secret. Because I've learned that when I utter the words "pet store", we are always met with the same expression of pity--for me because I purchased a living thing in a strip mall and for you because your obviously inbred puppy mill DNA looks less like a double helix and more like a tangle of coat hangers.
To listen to the experts like Cesar Millan, Animal Planet, or that loud guy at PetSmart, the only appropriate way to purchase a dog is to find a breeder who will use terms like "whelp" and "sire" and, um, "breeder" and expect you not to snicker OR to swoop into an underfunded animal shelter (which is apparently all of them) and leave with a hulking, square-headed beast named Mr. Sniffles whose tragic backstory involves being set on fire and killing a family of four. With a handgun.
So I'm sorry, Pigpen. I'm sorry that by liberating you from the PET STORE, that sucking hellmouth beside Orange Julius, I inadvertently continued to fund the PUPPY MILLS*, ensuring that another generation of animals will be taken from their mothers, crammed into cages, and forced to support themselves by making counterfeit leather goods.
I'm doing my best. Please don't shoot me.
*To me, Puppy Mills sounds like a gated community. I bet they have a pool there.
4 comments:
I get the, "oh, she's from a breeeder?" question all the time and closely followed with "why didn't you go to an animal shelter?".
Blah whatever, I love my pup and don't regret it at all! We are good puppy moms, breeder or pet store!
Huh-lar-ree-us!!!
Love the part about his DNA looking like tangled coat hangers, but unfortunately its probably true for many pet store animals. Their family trees have no limbs.
Do you know what breeders do when the puppy isn't of enough 'quality' for the breed? They kindly call it 'putting them down'.
do you seriously feel good about yourself? picking out your dog from a breeder is like nazis picking out who is "german". yeah, i totally just made that comparison.
breeders/puppy mills just add to an already unmanagable population of helpless dogs. so, pat yourself on the back for spending probably $$$$ of dollars on somethign that pisses and shits just like a rescue dog.
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